and then I found out…

I always knew I was different, sometimes I liked it, other times I hated it. As I got older, I began to wonder what was wrong with me. I started to notice that there were the different oddballs, then there was me and I didn’t fit with them or any of the cool kids or outsiders. I had friends, but there was always this wall between us where we could never connect on the same frequency.

On March 13, 2015, I found out from my mom that I had Asperger Syndrome. I barely knew anything about it. So I started googling.

The more I read, the more it felt like all these sites were describing me, my thoughts, emotions, moods, etc. to the tee. It was weird. I went in and out of denial and depression, but the more I learned about AS, the more I couldn’t deny it. The more everything made sense.

I had been in and out of doctors most my childhood, but none could pin point what was wrong with me. I learned that AS is difficult to diagnose, especially for females. My mom chose to not label me, so I grew up not knowing anything about this, just wondered why I was so different.

I’m a writer. I found out that many people with Asperger tend to be writers (along with other things like engineering, math, writing, composing, philosophy, or other areas). Asperger Syndrome doesn’t always imply negative things about a person, in fact, it could have positive benefits to it too, or at least that’s what I’ve read (here’s one of the places) and am trying to believe.
I hope to use this blog as a way to get my thoughts out into words and maybe make sense of them, and perhaps connect with others that can know I have AS and noyt treat me differently (I probably will write in a nother post about how people treat you differently when they find out about it.)

Thanks for reading.

With lifted hopes,
A Different Kind of Wallflower.

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3 comments

  1. Aspergian · April 26, 2015

    Thank you for sharing. I also discovered only recently (this year). A lot of things shift perspective when you know the reasons behind your behaviour and certain interests, etc.

    I hope your journey is a positive one.

    Liked by 1 person

    • different kind of wallflower · April 26, 2015

      Thanks for writing to me. It means a lot to not feel so alone in this.
      Yes, on my outside appearance, nothing has changed, but my whole world has completely shifted. It can be reassuring to find out why I am the way I am or why I do what I do, yet frightening at the same time.
      Same to you with your journey.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: The new me that’s really the regular me | different kind of wallflower

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