The last few weeks my family has decidedly crawled back into the denial hole. It’s back to where I’m doing it all on purpose, and that all the symptoms of Asperger’s are intentional choices that I am complete control over. They get angry at me. Why am I doing this? they yell.
At first, I felt betrayed and abandoned. They were my support team. The only ones that really know everything. In the outside world’s viewpoint I was an oddball, weirdo, and loser. To them, I was someone who was special, brave, and unique. They knew why I did what I did, why I thought the way I did, why I was who I was. Now they’re like everyone else.
I had to decide that this is good in the fact I can’t use them as a place to not try to get better, be better. I am constantly trying to overcome and become someone who can handle and cope with something a couldn’t a few days ago. I will not let Asperger’s define who I am and how I act. Now that my family sees me again as everyone else see me this will give me an opportunity to not use Asperger’s as a crutch. I must only accept to good things that having Asperger’s gives, but not the negative things.
Don’t get me wrong, this still has that sting of betrayal and abandonment, but if I continue to dwell on that I will spiral downward. It’s about trying to find the positive in a broken situation.
I’m writing this on my break, so I apologize if it sounds hurried, it is. I just wanted to write this down before too much longer. I have no time to reread it.
Cheers to everyone.