To be honest, I thought having an anonymous blog would make it easier to write, but it doesn’t. It still feels like everyone reading knows who I am. I’m still feel vulnerable, exposed, broken. Being anonymous does not make writing any easier.
The struggles of having AS can be overwhelming at times, most times. I have to remind my logical side that that I truly am lucky, and count the reasons why.
Every day I’m trying to improve, handle things better than before. I tell myself that though I may not be able to handle some (many) things that most people can, I have other strengths that most people don’t. When I have a small success, no matter how pathetic, I encourage myself with it. When I want to give up, I cling to being a writer of stories, and that those stories need to be written. If I give up, who will write them? Sometimes it’s the simple things that keep me going, not the deep philosophical things.
Today is September the fourth, which scares the hell out of me because I see how fast life goes by, but today is today, and its all I have right now. So I take another breath, and another, and another. There are so many stories I want to write, and today I did better handling someone yelling at me than I did yesterday.